You Might be a Yooper if...

   "You might be a UPer if....."
       
       
   Your wife's Lady Remington is a 30-06.
       
   Your snowmobile cost more than your kid's college education.
       
   Your wife's night gown says Fred Bear Archery.
       
   A trip to the islands means Mackinac
       
   Your on a first name basis with the clerk at the Michigan unemployment office.
       
   You install your snow tires in September.
       
   You think working at Mcdonalds means making the big bucks.
       
   Your best cloths are reversible, Blaze Orange to Camouflage
       
   Going south for the winter means Escanaba.
       
   Your think that Iron Mountain is a prime example of a big city in urban decay.
        
   You think the phrase "To open a can of worms" means we're going fishing.
       
   You thing that a Big Mac and a shake refers to the bridge on a windy day.
       
   People in Wisconsin act superior to you.
       
   Your kid ace's the 3rd grade...on his 9th try.
       
   A new car means a 1972 AMC Gremlin.
       
   Being a "Red Wing fan" means you like their new line of hiking boots.
       
   Watched the "Ricki Lake Show" because you thought it was about fishing.
       
   Answer the question "How many UP'ers does it take to change a light 
   bulb?" with none, we don't have electricity.
       
   Consider Velcro to be high tech.
       
    You think that "The straits of Mackinac" refers to the heterosexual 
   population on the island.
       
   You think that the Mackinac ferry refers to, well, you know.
       
   View working the drive through window as an important career advancement.
       
   Only know Ted Nugent for his archery equipment.
       
   Think the phrase "It's all down hill from here" is an advertisement for 
   the local Ski Lodge.
       
   Your telephone number has 3 digits...or less.
       
   You think that a 6 pack of Strohs, a bag of Dorito's, salsa and bean dip 
   cover 4 of the 7 basic food groups.
       
   You think your family tree is the one in the backyard with the tire swing.
       
   You saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and you've been trying ever since.
       
   You think Canadian Club is the hockey team from Wawa, Ontario, EH?.
       
   Your car phone is a rotary model with a loooooong cord.
       
   You didn't go see the movie Malcom X because you missed Malcom I through IX.
       
   You can ice fish 9 months of the year.
       
   You think that poached eggs means they were stolen from your neighbors chickens.
       
   You think that the Board of Education is the plank the teacher womps your ass with.
       
   You can't light a childproof cigarette lighter.
       
   You think the sign in every bar that says NO MINORS SERVED is ocupationally 
   biased.
       
   You think the sign saying FINE FOR PARKING means this is a really good spot
  to leave the car.
       
   You consider Membership in the Michigan Militia as a viable military career.     
   
   Your Jr. High School has a mandatory class titled Chainsaw Operation and Repair.
       
   You know 37 ways to prepare meals from roadkill.
       
   Your idea of deer hunting is driving down the logging roads in your 4 wheel 
   drive WITHOUT your gun.
       
   When sent for a jack, you bring back a fifth of Lynchberg Tennessee's finest.
       
   Your summer shirts are plaid wool (same as your winter shirts).
      
   Your mosquito repellent doubles as your aftershave.
       
   Your daily log is something you burn for heat.
       
   Your ice fishing shanty is better furnished than your house.
      
   You think ice beer is leaving a 6 pack of Old Style outside overnight.
       
   You think that The Milwaukee Brewers and the Green Bay Packers are labor
   unions in Wisconsin.
       
   Your favorite bar plays both kinds of music, Country AND western.
       
   Indoor plumbing is something you want to have someday.
      
   Your wife and sister are the same person.
       
   You consider a thunderstorm as a drive thru car wash.
       
   Your wife's new fur coat came from animals you trapped yourself.
       
   You think Barney Rubble was deserves an Emmy as Best Supporting Actor.
       
   The local meat market sells daily road kill specials.
       
   You think Algebra is a type of woman's underwear.
       
   You use 4 sheep to mow your lawn.
       
   Nothing in your living room clashes with your stuffed moose head.
       
   Your local bowling alley has 6 lanes so there's no waiting.
       
   People admiring your earthtone carpet suddenly realize it really is the earth.
       
   The county library has 1 book, "Dick and Jane".
       
   You still have all your original teeth, you just keep them in a jar on the shelf.
       
   Know 16 ways to cook a raccoon
       
   The local record store still has brand new 8 track tapes for sale.
      
   You think a Laundromat is something soft to kneel on when you wash your 
   cloths in the creek.
       
   Your new goose down pillow was migrating south yesterday.
       
   The local movie theater is offering "Gone With The Wind" as a first run 
   feature presentation.
       
   The local doctor is also the veterinarian, auto mechanic....and the school 
   bus driver.
       
   All the available radio stations can be preset on the car radio's 6 
   buttons---3 times!
      
   Your a witness to a spectacular car crash! Just imagine, what are the odds 
   of both cars in the UP being in the same place at the same time!
       
   Your friends give you a really cool nick name, like stinky.
       
   The term "Up North" refers to land due south of your house.
       
   You fertilize the lawn by letting the cows out of the barn.
       
   You burn your kid's Statistics text book as pornography, after all it had 1 
   whole chapter on standard deviations. They will learn about leather, whips 
   and sheep soon enough!