Star Trek vs. Microsoft

  "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.
  
  Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
         finding a weakness in the Borg?  And Mr. Data, have you been
         able to access their command pathways?"
  Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
         through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
         technology."
  
  Geordi presses a  key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
  
  Riker looks puzzled:
         "What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?"
  
  Data turns to answer:
         "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason
         called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside
         their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources
         at an unstoppable rate."
  
  Picard:
         "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
         processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
  
  Data:  "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
         version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources
         increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be
         able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing
         ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
         normal operational functions."
  
  Picard:   "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
         geometric shape' idea."
  
  . 15 Minutes Later ...
  
  Data:  "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
         command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
         resources.  We however have not received any confirmation of the
         expected 'upgrade'."
  
  Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and   
         CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
         'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
  
  Picard:  "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
         something we missed."
  
  Data:  "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
         Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
         sending in their registration cards."
  
  Riker: "Captain, we have no choice.  Requesting permission to begin
      emergency escape sequence 3F ..."
  
  Geordi, excited:
         "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly
         dropped to 0%!"
  
  Picard:        "Data, what do your scanners show?"
  
  Data:  "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
         named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
  
  Picard:"Let's wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can reduce their
         functionality."
  
  . Two Hours Pass ...
  
  Riker: "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
  
  Geordi:"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to 
         compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time 
         they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep
         space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from
         something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'."
  
  Picard:        "How much time will that buy us?"
  
  Data:  "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
         time span of 6 more hours."
  
  Geordi:        "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
  
  Picard:        "Identify."
  
  Data:  "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo!"
  
  Over the speakers:
         "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP 
MONOPOLY.
         WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED 
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR.  SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE 
CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.  YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
  
  Data:  "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
         released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
  
  Picard:  "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
  
  Riker: "Good God captain!  Those are humans floating straight toward
         the Borg ship with no life support suits!  How can they
         survive deep space?!"
  
  Data:  "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
         closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
         recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather
         briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!"
  
  Riker and Picard together horrified:
         "Lawyers!!"
  
  Geordi: "It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
         into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
  
  Data:  "True, but apparently some must have survived."
  
  Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
         pieces of paper."
  
  Data:  "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' --
         it often proves fatal."
  
  Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
  
  Picard:  "Turn off the monitors.  I can't stand to watch, not even the
         Borg deserve that."