50 Signs That You Have a Drinking Problem

 Top 50 Signs You Have A Drinking Problem

 1  You lose arguments with inanimate objects 
 2  You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
 3  Job interfering with your drinking.
 4  Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
 5  Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
 6  The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
 7  Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
 8  24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? 
 9  Two hands and just one mouth... 
 10  "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
 11  When you can focus better with one eye closed
 12  The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
 13  Every woman you see has an exact twin.
 14  You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
 15  If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?"
       but you don't really have a wife.  She's really your couch.
       Plus you have nothing but beer
 16  You fall off the floor...
 17  Discover in morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously
       disappeared
 18  Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
 19  Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
 20  Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
 21  Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore. 
 22  The glass keeps missing your mouth!
 23  Pat Buchanan starts to make sense
 24  When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
 25  Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
 26  Only drinking problem is not having a drink right now
 27  At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
 28  Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
 29  When vomiting becomes a relief
 30  Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall
 31  You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom,
      and you fell asleep clothed. 
 32  The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
 33  You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, 
       Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women. 
 34  Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and
       more attractive. 
 35  Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
 36  Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs 
 37  I'm not drunk... you're just sober... 
 38  Problem?  I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem
 39  If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for
       alcohol calories 
 40  Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
 41  The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go
        get some more!
 42  Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
 43  When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own 
       barstool 
 44  Roseanne looks good.
 45  Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass
 46  Your LIKE to watch Barney because you're so drunk already!
 47  That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
 48  You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night
        greasy spoon!!!!
 49  The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer
 50  Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk       
       past you