This is my page of off-the wall quotes and sayings.

If you came from Professor Pumplin's course page, you might be especially interested in these quotes!

Newest quotes: (in no particular disorder...)

Sewer Man: Who are you?
Aelrick: Aelrick. Who are you?
Sewer Man: THat's none of your concern.
Aelrick: Yes it is. You asked me -- it's only polite.
Sewer Man: What are you doing here?
Aelrick: Did you see a bloody big deer run by?

Kevin: How strong are you?
Aelrick: (sniffs himself)

Kevin: (to innkeeper) We'd like some rooms, please.
Jelora: I don't need a room. I have my blanket.
Kevin: You use a blanket? Wimp!

Kevin: Shopkeeper, do you have an upstairs?
Shopkeeper: Yes.
Kevin: Where is it?
Aelrick: Upstairs, I'd say.

Aelrick: Shhh....look...look! Hey, shh! Look (points), there's voices!

GM: There's a guy coming towards you.
Aelrick: Does he look like somebody named Al-jahumbody-bumbada?

Kevin: We have an expense account. If we paid these guys, do you think they'd trade clothes with us?

GM: Hieronius is the god of all that is lawful, good and paladin stuff.

(Upon seeing burning wreckage)
Kevin: Hey, kid! What's the story with the building?
Kid: When the winged lizard creatures came, the men of the village decided to shoot flaming arrows at them.
(long silence)
Aelrick: ...and then what?
Kid: THen what? There is no then what! They're not very good shots!

Toben: I was attacked by six guys!
Fersil: With scarves?
Toben: Yes.
Kevin: You were attacked by scarves and got that beaten up? What kind of Paladin are you?

Kevin: The granary burned? This will be a tough place to live, come winter.
Blacksmith: Nah. We're a county-subsidized farming unit. 'Tis not our grain.

Blacksmith: Ours is a good lord.
Fersil: Well, he was up until you burned down his granary...
Blacksmith: Well, we didn't exactly tell him we did it.
Fersil: What did you tell him, exactly?
Blacksmith: Great bloody fire-breathing flying lizard things....

Kevin: We should go talk to those guys--they might know something...besides, the GM has been dying for us to go ovber there, all night.

The existing collection:

Diversity Issues

Hard and Soft Sciences

Evolutionary Paleobiology

Psychobiology of Motivation

Pumplin & Billinge, physicists, esq.

Misc

GLG 434

Shut up, coral boy! --Lisa
I know nothing about protistan sex. --Dr. Brandt
If you walked into The Blue Note Cafe and ordered coral, they'd say "Fuck you! It's Anthozoa!" --JLB
Moulting is the evolutionary beginning of porn. --Lisa
Epibionts don't glomp onto burrowing animals. --Dr. Brandt
If Creationists wanted to get on my good side, they'd make bryozoas illegal. --JP
If Creatioists are right and I go to Hell, at least I won't have to listen to them anymore. --Lisa
A burrow--it's like the Chunnel, only smaller, and it doesn't connect France and England. -The guy who dropped the class
Dr. Anstey has huge blastoids! --JP
The fact that you laughed at that just proves that all of Geology is a dirty subject! --Lisa
I couldn't decide if it smelled like a weird chemical...or peanut butter. --Nick
Whoa! Did you see that thing beside the road? It was either a penguin or a dolphin. It was fish shaped, black and white, and furry! --JP
I love brachiopods. I have a fetish. --JP
I have an ear fetish...I would love a girl who gave me earmuffs. But they would have to be sexy earmuffs.
Mmmm...lophophores! I have to go to the bathroom. --JP
If anyone said the word "bryozoan" to me outside of this class, I would fall down on the floor laughing. --Bob
Drowning in spooge...that's not right. --Lisa
I wish I could download my consciousness. --Bob
Look! A pokemon trilobite! --Lisa
Awww...a little baby Jesus trilobite! --Lisa
Lyell was pre-Darwin...more like pre-reality. --JP
If I woke up one morning and I was a bryozoan, I'd kill myself. I wouldn't know what Order I was. --JP
I'll be an encrusting bryozoan. I'll wake up one morning and be all over my bed. --JP
(Creationists) seriously need a reality check implanted. --Paul
Fossilization sets in at about age 40...especially in humans. --Dr. Brandt
There are human paleontologists...er, paleontologists that study human evolution. --Dr. Brandt
It's plants on their way to being coal...it's coalifying. --Dr. Brandt

Psychobiology of Motivation
I am the executive monkey! --Vince
Together, aggressive and submissive behaviors are called "AGNOSTIC"...errr, let's not bring God into this. "AGONISTIC" behaviors--when the aggressive behavior occurs, the victim acts submissive, the aggression stops, and everything goes right with the world...I guess that's where God comes in. --Dr. Wade
If you think about adrenal glands like an egg, the cortex would be like the egg white and the medulla would be like what I'm going to talk about next... --Dr. Wade
So stress acts in opposition to reproduction in all levels, in males. So if you're stressed, you're screwed...or maybe not screwed...many times over. --Dr. Wade
I don't want to talk about how unnatural you and I are. --Dr. Juli Wade
They didn't do any hormone treatments in this experiment. They didn't castrate them like we do in this class. Sarah Hartman
Also consider that these females were really receptive. They were really ready to go. --Mike Stout
I didn't set up the experiment, I just found the article. Mike Stout.
The SDN-POA is larger in males--as if we hadn't heard that enough times. Mike Stout
Excuse me, I've been studying endocrinology for 8 weeks, now and I don't like your study. Mike Stout

Cognitive Psychology
This is a picture of Bob Dole...er, Al Gore. Those guys are the same to me. I mean their names rhyme. Er, this is not a political statement. --Dr. Rose Zacks
A farmer had a herd of cows that he knew by name. He wasn't a very large dairy farmer. --Dr. Zacks
Dr Zack's Q: Does one of these pictures look funny? Student's answer: It's Margaret Thatcher.

Behavioral Ecology: Dr. Thomas Getty

Looks like a few people didn't make it. I hope they're not dead in a snowdrift.
They're oscines, not obscenes...well, I don't know what they're singing...
I might change the names of these from "rich" and "lean" to "piled on top of each other" and "not piled on top of each other".
Let's take a look at females, now. This has been a pretty gender-biased lecture, so far.
The Band-Aid Phenomenon: One big yank is less painful than the sum of many little yanks.
We can do calculus because it's convenient.
THis may seem like a flakey analogy, but I like flakey analogies.
I'll call this a "nice" theory, because I made it up...
Republicans just pretend to like their neighbors to avoid conflicts.
I sometimes wonder if the birds I use are going to figure out that they get to go out and eat after the experiment, so why forage at all? If they'd read their bird abuse forms they'd know I'm not allowed to starve them...
This is like the Drosophila of aggression. (student from discussion section)

Behavioral ecology of African Mammals

I wouldn't want to be a low-ranking email in a dominance hierarchy. --Karen
Single, black-and white male seeks non-smoking vigilant female to join harem. --Sarah
I feel curious, but hesitantly so. --JLB
See? The grasshoppers like me--why not the chicks? --Kevin
I stepped on a dudu! --Karen
If you're short and fat, you're still short. --Heather
Have you ever laid out surrounded by such vast beautifulness? --Karen
Carnage in a can--the gift that keeps on giving. --Rose
I wonder if ducks know how much they sound like hippos. --Jen P
Can you just laugh at us later? --Barb
Kirk and I are going to go make out. --Kevin
You're going to Rome? It's all ruins! Ruins are ruins...and these ruins are even ruined! --Anon. traveller
Baby zebras tell their moms apart by their butt stripes. --Michaela
I want something dead with cheetahs all over it. --Sarah
I see white zebra butts--as opposed to white Sarah-butts--and not to be confused with butt-white Sarah. --Sarah
Is it unusual to see no carnage? --Rose
Goddamnit! FUCK "Jambo"! --Jen S.
Nasty pillows ruin 40% of your life. --Jen S.
When the hyraxes come mate with Kevin, I'll just turn my head and pretend. --Kirk
Look! Spring-loaded, yummy, bite-sized, snack-pack Tommies! --Sarah
Remember that Taj-Mahal-looking-whatever? That's where our hotel is. --Anon. traveller
You know there's something wrong when the most interesting thing you see is a spiderweb. --Dr. H
Damn the termite mounds! They're all animal-shaped! --Michelle
Giraffes look like hyenas with really long necks. --Jen P.
I'm not used to summer classes. I've used up my quota of intelligence for the summer. --Jen P.
Those might be bushes--but they look like suspicious bushes. --JLB

Dr. Susan Hill (Comparative Anatomy):

There's nothing like an elephant that filter feeds.
Some rays have electric organs and can deliver a severe shark.
Thyroxin is a good hormone to keep under your belt.

Dr. Alison Rautman (Anthropology):

I've recently been interested in cannibalism...just for fun.
Some people have 13 ribs, others, 11. Adam can have as many ribs as he wants.
If you're being a rhino, you're not concerned with giraffes.
It'd be nice if we could all sit there and photosynthesize.
Without technology, Australopithecus would be running through the brush, leaping on his prey, biting through the hide, and...well, there you go...munching.
If we're a male fish, we're just going to go impregnate a bunch of people.
Being extinct is nothing to be ashamed of.
We've milked that for all it's worth. We'll come back to it, later.
I open up the [news]paper, and I am assaulted by evolutionary theory.
there's a lot of room for interpretation--a lot of grey matter--when you talk about the brain.
I have skeletons coming out the wazoo...but no maps.
I have a friend who is an expert on Neandertal pubes.
You get your teeth pulled in college because now you're wise.
What cognitive functions do himans have...?...because sometimes I don't see any!
Keep your eyes peeled for bald-headed men.
Every morning at 4 am my cat goes myowmyowmyow. Well, what happens at 4am after my cat goes myowmyowmyow? I get up, go downstairs, throw the cat in the basement and lock the door. If he had cognitive functions, you think he'd figure it out: if I go myowmyowmyow at 4am, I get stuck in the basement. But he's too stupid! 'Course, my husband's stupid, too, because he could put the cat in the basement before bed. 'Course, I could do it, too, but I'm soft-hearted. Smart, but soft-hearted.
Oh, genital displays--how very primate of them.
If [basketball players] wear those those little things they wear in the Olympics for swimming--then I'll go to basketball games.
I was at a "Females in Archaeology" meeting and all we talked about were male butts. There you go, women acting just like men.
You are not being adaptive. I feel like killing you.
Don't be bloodthirsty killer apes while I'm gone.
When you're smelt fishing, you've got to be there with the right amount of beer to wait for the smelt.
If I can't read the handwriting, I'm not putting it on the exam.
Now we're being a democracy, even though I don't believe in democracy. I believe in benevolent dictatorship--as long as I'm in charge.
Essays take me longer to grade. Let's face it, do I want to sit here and grade your essays? No. But, you still have to write essays. This is quality education. That's the MSU difference.
I have to make multiple choice out of everything. That's my job.
If you want short answer questions, you can write explanations for your multiple choice answers.
No makeups if you're in jail, Monday.
No riots at my house.
In the Baily neighborhood, there are mentally ill people who they've taken away to institutions...and they have guns.
Not everyone in Baily neighborhood is nice and understanding like me. They tell me I need to go to Meijer's and buy a shotgun.
I have a red belt in tai-kwan-do and a gold medal in free fighting for my age category, so all you women my age, look out!
We have a Siamese attack cat. I can drop her on rioters and she'll claw their face off.
Foresight was the last gift of the gods to humans.
When I think of how [your term papers] began as a mess of gibberish and see how they've grown into sterling examples of collegiate prose, it just warms the cockles of my heart.

Dr. Richard Seed (The Clone Doctor):

Every one of my joints is being attacked by an autoimmune disease. But it's not lethal, so you're stuck with me.
Don't tell anyone, but I am talking immortality!
Gloria is the goddesss of the universe, and also happens to be married to me.
There is no population problem in Western civilization.

RS: If I'm living 500 years, what's a little trip to Bernard's Companion several light years away?
Student: You cut the space prgram to study rejuvenation.
RS: Once we've covered rejuvenation, we reinstate the space program--we'll all need busywork to keep us occupied--busywork like astronomy, space travel, partical physics...

I solve the health problems, you solve the societal problems.
I never want to hurt anybody.
You're imagining problems! Americans like to be frightened. We have to be afraid of something.

Student: What do you think it says about the state of our nation that someone with your [poor] level of reasoning skills and [indifferent] social attitude has made it this far?
Gloria, you remember, goddess of the universe, said it would happen 3 years after we got married. I'd say we're behind the times...

Neurobiology Quotes, by Heather Eisthen

It is a rare moment in history when a neuroscientist names something logically.
I really can't address the issue of whether or not you're weird.
The cortex is there to keep the rest of the brain warm.
In neuroscience, there are only three things you can count on: The experiments will be difficult, you won't uinderstand the results, and if you do it again, you'll get something different.

Professor Bromley (Embryology) says:

Immaturity pays off
Once they have tasted the pleasures of nerves, limbs become addicted.
I would give my right arm to learn the secret of regeneration.
Some people get mad at evolution and you can buy a hamburger for 89¢ somewhere.
"God is subtle, but he's not just plain mean." --Einstein
Pregnancy is no damn fun.
Males make their cells with ease, and are characteristically willing to give them to anyone who wants one--as many as they want.
Nothing is cheaper than sperm
Females lose most in humans--men can just walk away. Does that make sense? You bet your ass it makes sense!
Courtship isn't triviality. You have to size up his gear and make sure he uses it for somehting other than peeing through.
Let's do a deletion experiment. Cut your balls off.
Snot is a glycoprotein
Yolk makes an egg an egg, not spit.
After you reproduce, then you can die or not die, and who cares?
Sex is not spicy athletics, it is the reassortment of genes.

Biochemistry

Student: Since there aren't many questions on the final, and you've lectured on a lot of stuff, what topics should we focus on?
Dr. Bieber: The topics I lectured on.

Professor Pumplin's Physics-isms:

Radioactive atoms decay--like humans only not quite the same.
I had a demo I wanted to do Friday cuz it's fun to do. I'll do it today cuz it's still fun to do.
What did I just do? Oh, dear...I'm not sure.
It's still stuck there. Isn't that nice? Oh, it fell. I don't want to think about that.
I'm hitting it lots of times. In fact, all of the charge left the first time, so all the hitting is just theater.
Electromagnetic radiation is something that any normal person would call light.
This is so easy, I can't stop myself!
Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: If you do a bad experiment, then you're really uncertain.
If you do this in the most naive way, you're embarrassed by how well it works out.
This answer is kinda cute.
I hope I didn't just offend someone with the chalkboard.
As an electron gets closer and closer to a proton, you think 'Oh, ho! I know where it is!' But then you're surprised.

Professor Simon Billinge's Physics-isms:

There are two rules of algebra: 1. do whatever you like as long as you do it to both sides, and 2. there is no rule #2.
The Great Algebra Pickle: This room is hot. Remember that.
Force equals mass times acceleration. If you use this equation in the wrong situation, I'll poke your eyes out.
I used to be a soldier in another life, so I know how to use a musket.

For more fun, physics quotes, try this page!

I don't answer the questions, I ASK the questions! --Sheldon, the chem demo man
There's no way to know what nobody knows, you know? --Philosophy student
The thing we're using to measure the thing is the same thing. --Cressida Heyes, Philosophy professor
You can give people definitions of the words you're using, but it won't help you make a clear article. It's a bit depressing. --Cressida Heyes, Philosophy Professor
I like this book. This is a friendly book.--Dr. Dorian Feldman (Statistician)
Just because you're fat and produce a lot of milk doesn't mean you're emotionally stable. --Dr. Adroaldo Zanella DVM
Let's throw a cat among the pigeons, now... --Prof. Andy Jarosz
When in doubt, graph things logrhythmically so no one will understand you anyway. --Prof. Andy Jarosz

From the Research Lab

Maybe you could take a canvas and paint the equipment. I, for example, find the HPLC to be very elegant. --Dr. Zanella

I am feeling sort of data-deprived. --Dr. Zanella

Amy: I almost threw that book across the room, I was so angry. I couldn't understand it.
Dr. Zanella: That's good. You are developing an emotional relationship with the book.

Stress? Exams don't make stress! --Abdule

Men like to make you think that they have a lot to say by repeating themselves many times. They can talk for hours about the same thing and each time you think you're hearing something new. They want you to think they had a lot to say. Sometimes they are clever and change the words around so that you think they are saying something different, but by the time they finish, you realize you were wrong. --Rosemarie
I have nothing to say, and half an hour in which to say it, so I will say nothing for half an hour. I am an expert on having nothing to say. --Abdule

From the Dorm Room

Rockford is an hour west and 12 minutes north of here. --AH

I blow down, not across. --CMR

EM: Jen, I don't think I can like Harrison Ford, anymore. He was in a fraternity.
Jen: Everyone has their dark little secrets.

Em: This is Josh--not "Little Josh". Not "Big Josh", either.
Jen: No, "Big Josh" is a transvestite.
Em: Josh used to be "Bri's Big Brother Josh" and then he was "Kathryn's Josh"...
Jen: ...and for a while it was "Tina's Josh"...
Jeff: Doesn't Josh ever get to be his own man? Doesn't anyone ever call him by his name?
Yes, we do, now...we don't associate him with women, anymore.

Josh: I've never done anything mischievous! Name one mischievous thing I've done!

Could you say that again, a little more legibly? --CH

This tastes dead. --Anomily

Would you check me out? --waitress

They buff jellybeans to make them shiny. --JLB

That article's facts are like cafeteria vegetables--all the life is steamed out of them by cultural hot air. --JLB

Do it with napkins--it's easier. --JLB

I want to see that inscribed on your tombstone, Cathy, even if I have to carve it myself. 'Ummm...did I miss something?' --JRP

You have to incubate Mormons for 12 hours before they're done. --CMR

I think we should have removed our dresses before doing the dishes. --Jo

I think sniffing his butt is dangerous. --Jo"huahua"

...you could just help me hunt down some of the MSU population and blow their fucking heads off with a double-barrel sawed off shotgun. I'm in the mood for gore and there are assholes out there who need deadifying. --DaRaj

2B or not 2B? That is the question...whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the hard lines and strong contrast of an H pencil...or to take arms with a sea of tonality, and in doing so, establishing rich texture? --Thrakiss

My mother likes to squeeze a dollar until the eagle smiles. --Sharon Greene

JLB: Intelligent people don't get bored.
DCW: Are you implying that I am stupid?
JLB: What do you think?
DCW: I don't think.
JLB: There's your answer.

Nate: You can be Czar.
Damon: You can be my Rasputin.
Josh: Like I want to be shot, stabbed, poisoned and thrown under the ice.
Jo: You'll get to make your saving throw...

My nose will potentially prevent me from having children. --HA
You use your nose as birth control? --JLB

DNA is a parasite that uses our body to propogate. --Carl Hessler
That requires thought. Not much of that gets done around me. --CMR

Movie: Prepare for launch!
CMR: Did he just say 'prepare for lunch?'
JLB: Yeah. Ready the egg salad, sir!
CMR: Summon the salami!
JLB: And deploy the pickles! They're really gonna eat this one...

My mom has figured out how to give ferrets orgasms. --AML
It's good to build bridges over water. --AML
I don't have enough Brian power to talk right now. -AML
Do you think it's bad that I'm having a love affair with an entire hockey team? -AML
Everyone who doesn't live anywhere else lives in Howell. -AML

Anna: I have a hole in my butt.
Jenni: That's a good thing, because otherwise, you'd back up and explode.
Stacey: And then you couldn't get an anal probe.
Jenni: Or an enema.
Anna: I meant my pants!
Stacey: Doesen't Josh have a hole in his butt?
Jenni: Yeah, but Emily sewed it up.

All the bridges in the world lead to Toronto. -aTc
If your mouth is primarily Chinese, Mexican just doesn't sound appetizing. --aTc
But, it was funny in my head...--Jo
Chemistry problem: ORTHO-dontist! Draw its structure... --Jo
It's all about sex. --TKY
Linear, circular and squiggle: the three forms of logic. -MHK
I'm going over to my "not allowed in the loop" corner to pout. -Jason

From "The Game" and other role-playing disasters...

officially

Steven: How do you cure fear? "Oh, look, I'm not afraid!" There, it worked.

Derek: Oh, so now you want a price on our heads. I didn't think of that. How fun!

Sam: And you think I'm violating my alignment by skipping town?
Derek: You're going against your alignment by not helping US!
Sam: I AM helping you. You guys are just being stupid!

Tobin: Can you assure us that this job is legitimate? So far, everything in this town is evil.
Kevin: Evil? Everything? You've seen NOTHING!
Tobin: Well, the beds are comfey...

Lord Landeth: You're willing to risk life an limb in a collapsed castle, facing goblins and kobolds to rescue two dead teenagers for 250 gold a head, buy 300 gold for quietly walking across town to make a delivery, which will only result in death if you're discovered, is too little?
Kevin: (OOC) That was two levels ago. The price goes up with experience.

Tobin: I did well tonight. I didn't kill anyone I wasn't supposed to.

We'd better be smuggling drugs or gems or something! --AH
I'm not supposed to know anything. I'm just a stupid diplomat. --CMR

Phineas: We're not crashing.
Kia: Ok, we're landing uncontrollably.

The main power stuff is fried. --Kia
You're not here, don't talk to me. --JLB
Remember when I said the hyperdrive doesn't work? --JRP
That's what happens when you die, you lose control of all your stuff. --Kia
You don't have to play. I don't have to play. But I certainly will! --Audra Fulton
You said 'No,' awful quick. I said lots of words and you didn't think about them. --Lucia

Lucia: So you ran into and old flame...
Audra: We were't flames.
Lucia: So you ran into an old candle...
Audra: No, not a candle, either.
Lucia: You can have a candle without a flame...

You know, you don't seem that upset to hear that you may have to pay someone not to kill you. --Lucia
I just wanted to know where you were so that I can be somewhere else. --Audra
That's my non-curiosity getting the better of me. --Audra

Audra: I sort of hitched a ride on Phineas' ship...and the Ambassador was sort of there, and you tried to kill her and I was sort of there, and I don't want to be there, where you're killing people.
Bloodsniffer: Who's Phineas, and where's there?
Audra: Oh. Never mind.

Bring me a wookie drink! --JRP
I sense a disturbance in my crew. --Phineas
If they get more publicity out of this than me, I might rethink filing those kidnapping charges! --Anye
I don't have to allow politicians to cover their bases--they'll do it whether I let them or not. --Capt. Talon
You were making a pretty good run from honest work last I saw you, so I'm pretty surprised it caught up with you. --Purafur
So basically, you're having a really planned, really calm panic session? --JRP
This planet makes no sense. Everything is white. That just means that you have to clean it more often. --Qatak

Phineas: What brings you here?
Qatak: Purafu. She owes me money.
Phineas: Is this the kind of reunion I don't want to see?
Qatak: No. She owes me 50 credits. It's a matter of honor.

What part of 'I'm not here,' didn't you understand? --Audra

Killian: 17 hours and you didn't find out anything?!?
Audra: It's a bloody big town! There are a lot of bars, here, full of seedy men...but I got a lot of free drinks out of it.

Killian: Tell me something I can use.
Audra: Everyone's afraid. They're all leaving. And so should we.

It's a good thing that there are two people out to kill you, Ambassador, because if they both try to kill you at the same time, they might kill each other! --Audra
I bought one ship after another until I found one that didn't break, killed or paid off everyone I owed money to, and now, here I am, still in debt. --Purafur
You know what I learned today, Ambassador? I learned that working with you is trouble. I learned that people want to know why I'm working for you. I learned that you're not paying me enough...I'm going to get tanked. --Audra
I want to be a smuggler who grows old and buys a farm and works his art and raises...something innocuous. --Zoutton
Someone is always trying to buy government. If business doesn't buy government, crime buys government. --Solvaro

Purafur: You've had more than one mate? What sort of being are you?
Audra: I prefer the term 'easy'...just not cheap.

Audra: This isn't a good idea.
Purafur: Mine rarely are. But we do them anyway, because I'm bigger than all of you

Purafur: It's not as bad as you think it is.
Audra: No. It's worse.
Purafur: Good. Then you know where we stand.

Purafur: You're not turning away from the capitol ship.
Zutton: But now only one ship is firing at us.
Purafur: But it's fifty times our size!
Zutton: I know. It's refreshing.
Purafur: When we get back, I am going to rip your arm off and beat you with it!

Phineas: That's an interesting piece of information. I will take it under advisement in future encounters.
Senator: I am quite distressed to elarn that there will be future encounters.

We need to go shopping. I don't know how long it will take to find something to fit your...parameters. --L4PO

Phineas: As one captain to another, how are you planning to get out of tonight's ball?
Capt. Talon: I don't know. I was planning on getting arrested, but I just don't think it will happen.
Phineas: I do have a bottle of Corellian Whiskey...
Capt. Talon: I don't think that being drunk will get us out of this. If we're caught, it will be worse.
But drunk and disorderly will get you arrested...

JLB: How do you make friends with a wookie if you can't speak the language?
AML: Buy him drinks and pet him!

Killian: I've enver been insulted so often in one conversaton as I was with the Senator!
Master Quudon: So, he's a good politician?

If I am going to die here, I am going to make you die first! --Purafur

Capt. Sekd: Is the Ambassador all right [after the assassination attempt]?
Phineas: She's shaken, but not stirred.

It's so hard to make a human change color! --Lucia
I'm famous...or infamous...one of the two. --Audra
So you're now alone with a woman and a wookie. --JLB
Purafur will be in charge of whatever she wants to be in charge of! --JLB
What's wrong with cheez curls on a plate? --JLB
Where's Audra? Oh, we won't see her for a couple days. There's a new ship in town. --JRP
I didn't want sex just then. --Audra

Phineas: Zutton, are you busy?
Zutton: I am hanging upside down in the access shaft.

Phineas: Audra, you're doing something noble. Suck it up and take it like a man.
Audra: There's your problem. I'm not a man.

The evil is like, "Hi! How ya doin'?" only in a cosmic, Force-y type way. --JRP
I am a Jedi. Leave me alone so I can poke through your secret government-type stuff. --JRP
You know, Phineas, people would like you better if you would give them some choice in what they do. --Audra
Can a Jedi control spastic behavior? --JLB
I am waiting for you to make sense. --Nai-jin Dar
I respect you, I just don't show it. --Kia
I sense a faux-pas in the force. --JLB
Get your scrawny, multi-thumbness over here! --Phineas Waylon
You feel like you're sneaking out, I've never been off a ship, and I'm fairly certain this is against her rules, so let's go! --Kia
I consider myself a more than adequate shot in slightly better conditions. --Phineas Waylon

I just killed things. Draw me a bath! --Aurion

The lowest mage in the group is always the resident complainer. --Ka
Or the lone priest. --Ahzeem

Jenni: Ahzeem was beaten with cudgels.
Anna: Beaten with cudgels? He got hit once!
Jenni: Ahzeem was beaten with cudgel.

We're gonna die! --Ka
WIZARD'S FIRST RULE: Go back to sleep! --Ka
'Mercenaries!' I knew it started with 'm' but wasn't 'assassins'. --AML
Shit happens, Ka. --Ahzeem
I prefer to be called a 'creative acquisitions specialist'. --Mir the Thief.
If he asks, I've got my sword. --Jo
You would have blown up the lab. There's a word for things like that--BOOM! --Peron
You can't run away stealthily when the bard is playing travelling music. --Brethinn
A half-eaten elf is hardly helpful. --Brethinn

Josh speaks:

I'm 16 molar glacial evil. --JRP
I can do that but I don't want to. --JRP
Sean Connery is all that is good and still male. --JRP
Jo is the dictator of Joland. --JRP
The woman wins, Anna, you've got to get used to that. --JRP
That's funny, Stacey, now shut up and talk to the deer. --JRP
Mages--high in intelligence, low in wisdom. --JRP
There is nary a yucky guy in sight. -JRP
I could be Timothy Dalton. When I'm 40, I'll be better than Timothy Dalton. I'll look like Timothy Dalton when I wake up. After I'm showered and dressed, he'll be jealous. --JRP
Buy quality. That way, when you wake up the next morning, you don't feel like you've been shot out of Zeus' butt. --JRP

Jen's Gems

From the mouths...

SH: I like this girl, but her legs come up to my shoulders.
His Mom: Well, why don't you take advantage of that?

Celebrity Quips and Anonymous Quotes

Evolution is a change from a no-howish untalkaboutable all-alikeness by continuous sticktogetherations and somethinglelsifications. --William James

A reductionist dream...might be to write "A Comparison of Keats and Shelby from the Molecular Point of View" or "The Role of Oxygen Atoms in Supply-Side Economics" or "Explaining the Decisions of the Rhenquist Court in Terms of Entropy Fluctuations". --Daniel Dennett

No meme is an island. --Daniel Dennett

Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender, and I said to him, "Be fruitful and multiply," but not in those words.
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Rachel Carson

It is not half so important to know as to feel.
If facts are the seeds that later produce knowledge and wisdom, then the emotions and the impressions of the senses are the fertile soil in which the seeds must grow.

Umberto Eco

The animal that coils in a circle is the serpent; that's why so many cults and myths of the serpent exist,because it's hard to represent the return of the sun by the coiling of a hippopotamus.
Coffee made with an American percolator...is delicious, fragrant, goes down like pure spring water, and afterwards causes severe palpitations, because one cup containes more caffeine than four espressos.
All things appear to us as they appear to us, and it is impossible for them to appear otherwise.

Albert Einstein

Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Entanglement: spooky action at a distance. --Albert Einstein

Oscar Levant

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Emo Phillips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

In wildness lies the preservation of the world

So seek the wolf in thyself.

        --Metallica "Of Wolf and Man"



They were here! My dragons were here!

        --Madeline L'Engle "A Wind in the Door

"All the world will be in love with night

And pay no worship to the garish sun"

        --Juliet "Romeo and Juliet" IIii24

A. A. Attanasio The Dragon and the Unicorn

Blessed by demons, Morgeu floats west to Cymru, galloping harder the farther she gets from her dead father's kingdom, returning to her mother's land like a wave remembering the sea.
The madness of demons is rage-the madness of angels-hope.

Copyright 1999 Flaming Kitten Productions. Any unauthorized duplication, distribution, mutilation, dehydration, sublimation, crystallization, prosecution, masturbation, extradition, vulcanization, electrocution, desalination will be dealt with by catapult. --seen on a web page

The Blackboard Philosopher

Imagine, if you will, a gold brick...size and shape. Now color it with a "Goldenrod" Crayola interspersed with "Macaroni and Cheese" and make the consistency that of finger Jell-O with an attitude. Add a heaping cup of mucus and you have the amazing McDonald's brand "Brick-O-Fat"...
Doesn't life just make you want to wear leather pants and scream like a maniac with a toothache while pounding jell-o to mush with a herring, sometimes?
I can spring like a garden though I am not.
God said, "I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the cream filling and the cookie!"

The African Queen

There are few problems in life that wouldn't be eased by the proper application of high explosives.
Why is life so tough? Perhaps it was cooked too long.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

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