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Volume 32 Number 3 March 2000

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Note: This is a mirror site for English Edition of Govingia™ This Month published by Govingia™ Enterprises, Ltd. It contains all of the information in the original edition, but it is located in the United States to serve North American readers. It is printed on 100% recycled electrons and is environmentally friendly. © Copyright 2000. All rights and lefts reserved. 

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In This Month's Issue
Viagra Falls Up and Running Again!!
Placebo Sales Now Legal in Govingia™
Red Herring Exports Increase!!
Exclusive to GTM: Source Brothers Interview
News Brief: O'Lin Foundation gives huge grant to Govingian National University

Letters to Govingia™ This Month

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ March 28, 2000. After months of delay during which the falls were down for major repairs, Govingia™'s top tourist resort, Viagra Falls, is up and running again. Viagra Falls is the only falls in the world that flows up. This is the result of certain peculiar physical and geological conditions at the falls that are not duplicated anywhere else in the world. Specifically, the water that flows up Viagra Falls is heavily ionized causing it to chemically bond with loosite particles common to the region. When the water flows at a very rapid rate, as is the case at Viagra Falls, the force causes the bond to come undone, reducing limpedence and leading to an outpouring of water at the top of the falls.*

The falls was under repair as a result of overuse by visiting tourists. As Mr. S. Rise, the director of tourism for Viagra Falls put it, "The repair job was a hard one, but now that the repairs have been completed, its up, up and away. This is potentially the major tourist attraction in all of Govingia™."

*Nota bene: We regret that our Science Editor, Dr. Noitall, has retired. As a result, we have to rely on poor quality, scientifically incomprehensible reports of this sort. -- Ed.

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ February 28, 2000.  After 10 years of debates and deliberations, the Govingian Diet (the legislative branch of the Govingian government) has agreed to permit the sale of placebos.  Although used in medical tests for more than a century, until now placebos were simply unavailable to the general public.  Now, they may be sold in any food store.  However, they must carry a warning label in protect consumers.  Most products will carry the warning label: "Warning: This Product May Have No Effect Whatsoever."

Critics remain unconvinced.  For example, Dr. Vicadin Procardia, a renowned medical scientist, notes that some persons may suffer from the well-documented "placebo effect."  As Dr. Procardia explains, "The placebo effect is commonly found when placebos are tested against other products.  Yet, little is known about the placebo effect, other than that it is commonly found among those who consume placebos.  I would suggest that the public remain suspicious until further studies are conducted."

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ February 28, 2000.  After several years in a slump, Govingian Red Herring exports are on the rise again.  This year alone sales rose over 250% making Govingian Herring fisherpersons very happy indeed.  As one fisherperson remarked, "I am very happy indeed."  Other fisherpersons said much the same thing.  Although comedians continued to be major consumers of Red Herrings, politicians were once again the biggest buyers, perhaps as a result of the US presidential election (See Chart).  Prices soared to G47.00 per kilogram as politicians' swollen coffers bid up prices once again.  However, Govingian government observers are worried that prices will once again slump after the elections are over.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ March 13, 2000. After many months of negotiations, Govingia™ This Month arranged an exclusive interview with the elusive Source brothers. Unfortunately, only three of the brothers, known internationally for their extraordinary reporting, were able to participate in a group interview in downtown Govingia™ City. The fourth brother, Unidentified, has not been seen in many years. However, Informed, Reliable and Knowledgeable were eager to answer our questions.

Editor: When did you all decide to become involved in the high powered world of international reporting?

Informed: We virtually grew up on the subject. All our lives we wanted to become reporters. It seemed the only logical job for four fellows such as us.

Reliable: That's absolutely right. We were always there when needed, so we could help being quoted -- not only by our newspaper, but by hundreds of others.

Knowledgeable: Of course, there were times, like during the Second World War, when our reports were censored by various governments, but these days, we usually get the message through to the audience despite such censorship.

Ed.: What was the most difficult assignment you ever had?

I: There is no question about it. It was the Monica Lewinsky affair. I mean, after all, virtually every tv and newspaper reporter in the world covered that story. What could we add? We even tried the KGB, but they had nothing more on the subject.

R: Well, I don't know, there was the Nixon tapes and Watergate.

K: That's true, and then there was El Niño. Everything was blamed on El Niño, so what more could be said?

Ed.: What was the easiest assignment?

I: That's easy. The entire Cold War was easy to cover, since virtually no other reporters had the ability to get close to Soviet leaders.

Ed.: What happened to your brother, Unidentified?

R: Well, he may have fallen off a cliff, or drowned in the ocean, or perhaps he was in an auto accident. We'll never know. But that was always consistent with his self-effacing personality. Too bad. We'll certainly miss him.

Ed.: Thanks for this reliable, informative and knowledgeable interview. Perhaps you can return again.

K: Possibly, but we'll have to check with our sister, Confidential, first.

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After careful research, I have discovered a document hidden in the archives of the Center for Oilseed Technology which explains why the Queen Mother of Govingia is one of the slickest Queens around.  I would like to think that I was related to such a famous Artist as Vincent Van Gogh.  It would be kind of like being related to Ernest Hemingway and his distant black sheep of a cousin, Hemingway Busch.   But!  I want to be the first to report in the "Govingia This Month" news page about just
how illustrious the Queen's relatives are.  They are as follows:

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were the Queen of Govingia and:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n' Gogh

Another Brother who worked in the Govingia Sperm Bank, Kum'n Go

The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh

His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh

His Italian uncle, Day Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh
 

I hope your readers  enjoyed catching up on some of the royal history of Govingia,  Gotta Gogh now............

A faithful reader of the "Govingia This Month"

Dear Faithful,

Thanks much for your contribution.  Rarely do we have anything quite this comprehensive in the way of a contribution.  Vincent would be proud of you.  -- Ed.

More to come...