and 
Govingia™ City, Govingia™
December 29, 1997. In a surprise move, Chef Brulée, the great
Govingian cook and winner of the famous Culinary de Sac award in 1996, unveiled
his new Très Nouvelle Cuisine or TNC today. TNC is "the most
exciting innovation in restaurant 
planning to date," says Chef
Brulée. "Only in this way can we create new taste sensations,
please the ever status-seeking public and avoid food wastage. For example,
consider my new dish, my specially prepared, Fresh glazed shrimp à
la Louisiane, with sprig of Italian broccoli and touch of French walnut.
Notice how the various elements -- lovingly selected from around the world
-- are carefully balanced on the plate so as to provide the proper proportions.
It is truly an artistic delight, a feast for the eye, an aesthetic experience
for the stomach, a slimming device for the wallet. With Très Nouvelle
Cuisine chefs will not only make their clientele happy; they will also lighten
their purses."
Chef Brulée was recently the featured speaker at the International Culinary Conference where he spoke on the virtues of Très Nouvelle Cuisine. However, unnamed sources tell us that the Chef is hard at work already on a successor to TNC. Meanwhile, his new book, Cooking Without Calories or 50 Ways to Boil Water, is selling briskly downtown.
Govingia™ City, Govingia™ January 7, 1998. The recent spate of bank failures in Thailand, Indonesia, Korea and Japan has now moved to Europe. Informed sources report that Bonnie Banks, Inc. of Loch Lomond, Scotland has been forced to close after losing millions in bad loans. Whether the Scottish government will request IMF help in refinancing remains to be seen. While Bonnie Banks is a relatively small player on the international markets, its closing could create a parcheesi effect (similar to the domino effect but played with two dice) shutting down the worldwide operations of the much larger River Banks and Gene Banks. Given the growing concern over global warming, it is conceivable that River Banks will be flooded with demands from persons seeking higher financial ground. Similarly, the Gene Banks, global repositories for scarce genetic currency, may find themselves unable to deliver. This would likely cause worldwide crop shortfalls and worsen the farm crisis. Finally, Sperm Banks, Ltd. of Intercourse, Pennsylvania reports records losses this year, stemming from the growing fears of donors. According the investment firm of Fifth, Avenue and Sachs, investors would be wise to play the market carefully lest they be swalled by the Loch Lomond monster.
Govingia™ City, Govingia™
January 23, 1998. In an expected move, the upper house (Hdl) of the
Govingian parliament (the Diet) condemned the nameless hotel magnates who
are constructing a new hotel in the very chic suburb of 
Snoburbia. The
Prime Directive, Mr. Invoice Clingon, denounced the move as follows: "Govingia™ is not and never has been a British colony. We have
no idea why Govingian Hotels Ltd. would use such an absurd name, thereby
offending the national honor." Her Majesty's government in the United
Kingdom had no comment on the affair, but Prime Minister Blair did note
that Britain was on the rise again and that imperial aims were once again
within the realm of consideration. Govingia™ plans to file a formal
protest at the International Trademark Office next month.
Govingia™ City, Govingia™ February 29, 1998. After years of painstaking work, Dr. R. Kee O'Logist, the Irish scholar now Chief of the Govingian Ministry of Antiquated Antiquities, the ancient ruins at the town of Trèsvieux have been restored to their original glory. According to Dr. O'Logist, the ruins were built to the exact specifications of King Burger XXII over a period of 37 years, 8 months and 3 days. Why King Burger XXII liked ruins has never been determined, but as all Govingians know, the countryside is dotted with them as a result of his efforts. Dr. O'Logist suggests that King Burger may have been of Runic origin, but other scholars deny the connection. These ruins are unusual in that the columns have warped considerably over the years as a result of the porous stone used in their construction. The careful eye will note that the columns are of the Isotonic Iconic Ironic style--unique to Govingia™. Why the King chose this style for his ruins is unknown. Dr. O'Logist noted that "these ruins are among the best restored ruins in the world." UNESCO is considering naming them as an International Historic Site.
Dear Editor,
It has come to my attention that Govingia™ This Month is actually published in East Lansing, Michigan. Why did you pick East Lansing?
Fred
Dear Fred,
East Lansing has more Govingians per capita than any city outside Govingia. So it seemed quite natural to publish this E-zine there. Besides, the climate in East Lansing is so similar to that of Govingia™ that Govingians feel right at home there. -Ed.
More to come...
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