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Govingia™ City, Govingia™ September 25, 1997. The Govingian Ministry of Scientific Research announced today a large grant to R&D Sleeves, the research and development arm of the Govingian clothing manufacturer, Local. The grant of G200.000 is likely to put the value of the firm high enough to prevent a takeover bid by the multinational giant, Express. "Moreover, it is not merely a stop Gap measure," says R&D Sleeves CEO. "No one can Guess what will happen next in this volatile industry, but with this grant will go a long way toward insuring that Govingians lead the world market in sleeve design, marketing and execution.

The company is soon expected to unveil its three-sleeved shirt with the advertising slogan, "it never hurts to have a spare." Moreover, its new asymmetric designs (one short and one long sleeve) are likely to permit them to avoid handing over the market to competitors. And, they don't cost an arm and a leg--just 1 1/2 arms is sufficient. With a continuous flow of new products from its spotless but well-sleeved suburban plant, R&D Sleeves expects this to be a banner year.

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ September 35, 1997. In keeping with her discreet charm, the Queen Mother, Queen Burger XXXVIII, has befriended an older, but distinguished gentleman commonly seen on the street of Govingia™ City, Lord Mannequin. A descendant of the Norman Dumee family, the Mannequins have lived for many centuries in the northern countryside where they have raised the polyester-bearing sheep so prized on the market today. The Queen Mother was asked how the friendship with Lord Mannequin started, but she declined to comment. However, those close to the Mannequin family do note that Lord Mannequin is widely known to be an old softy when it comes to the ladies. The sly smile on his otherwise inscrutable face suggests the validity of this view. We will keep our dear readers informed as this story develops.

Psychologists No Longer in Backwaters

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ October 14, 1997. One hundred and two psychologists set up shop on Main Street in the small provincial town of Northwest Govin this week in protest of what they claim is an outdated ordinance that prohibits "any sort of mind-enhancing, contracting, bending or otherwise changing by any professional or non-professional within 12 rods of Main Street." The Reeve of the Shire of Northwest Govin has vowed to uphold the law as it currently reads, although he too admits that it is a bit out of date. Court hearings on the subject are likely to begin as soon as they can be scheduled by the Fifth District Repellant Court.

Govingia™ City, Govingia™ October 4, 1997. In a surprise move, Govingian author, Hemming Ernestway today filed copyright papers on the word "cow" at the National Copyright Administration (NCA). In keeping with the trend toward increased international protection for intellectual property, the NCA is likely to grant the request. Given Govingia™'s reciprocal agreements with the United States and Great Britain, it is likely that the copyright would be recognized in those nations as well. Ernestway notes that no one has ever copyrighted this word before, thus leaving open the door for him to claim the word and milk it as never before. However, representatives of the United States and Great Britain, not easily cowed, have already filed a counterclaim arguing that the word was in the public domain. As an unidentifiable spokesperson for the US says: "It makes my blood curdle just to think that someone might be able to have their whey with that." Author Ernestway is adamant, arguing that his usage of the word "cow" is new and unusual and therefore fully copyrightable. The International Copyright Commission is scheduled to review the case sometime in early 2032.

I would like to protest the unauthorized use of the term "thing" in your extinguished magazine. Just last year I was granted a copyright (No. 3,567,987) on that word. Surprisingly, no one had done so before. In the future I would appreciate it if you would not use it without my permission. This blatant violation of property rights is exactly what I would expect from a leftist, pinko, commie, fascist, authoritarian, totalitarian, vegetarian, agrarian, veterinarian like you all are! Beware! I am on to you, now!

Sincerely,

Ted S.

Dear Ted,

Nice of you to write to us. We really appreciate your giving us the opportunity to express your views. Best wishes in the future.

Ed.

More to come...