As the scene opens, Kevin and Ryan are sunk into overstuffed easy chairs in the West Lounge of Williams hall on the campus of Michigan State University. It is mid-February. The two are roommates, and good friends, but the close proximity to each other all year has worn on their relationship. The needed break from each other over the holidays did some good, but spring break is a long way off.
It is evening, turning into night and the paling light of the sunset slants in through the arched windows on one wall. The sky outside is clear and cold.
Kevin is tall, nineteen with dark hair and brooding eyes. In contrast, he has a trademark lopsided grin that usually occupies his face. Ryan is slightly younger, slightly shorter and slightly less dark. He is reading, or at least looking at, a copy of the State News, while Kevin stares out a window from his chair.

KEVIN: Why would someone just take it?

RYAN: (not bothering to look up from the paper) What about the time we took that traffic barrel?

KEVIN: (still staring out the window) Well, yeah, but that had novelty value, at least. I mean, it's big and orange with a blinking light; instant entertainment. And it's not like it was doing anything useful on the sidewalk. But one of these? (Gestures at a conspicuously empty spot on the floor of the lounge. The carpet is a slightly different color in a large rectangular patch.) They aren't even particularly attractive. And I bet they're heavier then Hell.

RYAN: Well, some people have different tastes. And some people are actually physically fit. (he turns the page)

KEVIN: And why didn't anyone notice for so long? I mean sure, you don't walk into a room and automatically take inventory of all the furniture, but still, you'd think someone would notice.

RYAN: Well, I'm sure some people thought something looked wrong but couldn't place it. Like when someone, not mentioning any names here, moves the stuff on my desk, or takes some of my pop without asking or whatever…

KEVIN: (seemingly oblivious to Ryan's comments) It just makes you wonder. Maybe the coffee table was something else to whoever took it; a metaphor in old, ugly, heavy furniture.

RYAN: Sure, Kevin, whatever.

KEVIN: (more animated, turning towards Ryan) Hey, hear me out. The liberation of that coffee table from the confines of this room could've been a symbolic gesture of liberating his artistic soul from the confines of, well, maybe a major of packaging engineering?

RYAN: (Lowering the paper slightly) And maybe someone just wanted a coffee table.

KEVIN: (looking away again) Nah, it can't be that. It's got to be something more.

RYAN: (Lowering the newspaper into his lap rather violently) Kev, why the Hell are you so obsessed with this, anyway? It's just a lousy coffee table. People put cans of pop on it or used it as a footrest. It's not like some one stole a sacred relic or a Van Gogh or the piano. Let it drop, okay?

KEVIN: Hey, settle down. I'm only posing questions here. It's something a little unusual, that's all. (a pause) Why are you so against hearing about it? Almost makes it seem like you took it…

RYAN: I didn't take your goddamn coffee table! But it's been the only thing you've been talking about all day. Find a new subject, huh?

KEVIN: (gets up, walks across the room to look out the window) Okay, okay.
(a pause) You hungry yet?

RYAN: Not really.

KEVIN: Want to go to the Caf around 6:30?

RYAN: That's fine. Are we meeting anyone there tonight?

KEVIN: Nah. Pretty much everybody went home for the weekend. It'll just be us.

RYAN: Great.

KEVIN: (a pause) God, this campus is beautiful. Look at the sun shining off that snow. Newly fallen snow…like a bottle of white out for the dirty gray of winter; hides the mistakes under an almost undetectable white covering. Too bad they don't have that for people. (a pause) Hey, Ryan? You remember when we were little? Sledding down the hill behind our houses?

RYAN: (placated by the memory, gets up and joins Kevin at the window) Yeah. That was so much fun. And when we used to make ramps out of snow and try to get the sleds to jump. Or those big snowball fights… We've had some good times Kev. Why can't we do stuff like that now? What's happened to us? Why do we sit around here inside, or go to crappy parties and laugh at the people who get so drunk they fall over? Why don't we have fun? Do we have fun anymore Kevin?

(There is a long pause as the two stare at each other for a moment)

KEVIN: (smiling) I've had some fun recently. It involved a coffee table.

SCENE II
The set is the same as before, but the quality of light, if visible, is now mid-afternoon instead of late evening. Kevin stands alone at the window. He is waiting.

KEVIN: (singing softly to himself) "A brave man once requested me to (checks his watch) answer questions that are key, is it to be or not to be, and I replied, 'Oh, why ask me?' (checks his watch) 'Cause suicide is painless. It brings on many changes, and I can take or leave…" (There is a large crash from off stage. Kevin is startled checks his watch starting at it, taps its face, listens to it, and realizes it has stopped.) Shit!

KEVIN rapidly exits SL .

SCENE III
Ryan sits in one of the easy chair with a textbook open and is writing in a notebook in his lap. He periodically looks up in thought, then begins to scribble furiously. After a period of growing exasperation, he slams his notebook closed, and throws his books to the ground.

RYAN: (Standing up) Goddamn physics. (walking over to the windows with a limp) What's wrong with me? I know I'm not stupid. Why can't I get this stuff?

KEVIN: (entering the room) It's because you're too uptight. You're worrying about it far too much. Everything will work out for the best. You'll see. (he collapses into an easy chair)

RYAN: (turning towards him) Easy for you to say, Mr. No-Preference. Come up with a major yet? What is it this time, theatre? Astrophysics? English? History?

KEVIN: (glances about the room, distracted) No, no major yet… I'm working on it though. (a pause) I just keep in mind that "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds."

RYAN: (Sinking into the other chair) You do realize that Candide was a satire, don't you? Voltaire was making fun of that point of view?

KEVIN: It's all in how you read it.

There is a pause as the two sit in, not uncomfortable, but uneasy silence, a silence that threatens to shatter violently.

RYAN: So when are you gonna tell me the deal with the coffee table?

KEVIN: Oh, look who's so interested now. You know, before, you didn't want me to say anything else about it… I'm just abiding by you're wishes by not talking about it.

RYAN: (becoming irritated) Kev, quit being a bastard.

KEVIN: Oh, so I'm a bastard now? (a pause) Why a bastard, why not, like, an asshole, or a jerk?

RYAN: (calming slightly, as if he's been waiting for this question, or the invitation all semester) Well, I don't think Jerk is strong enough, and I don't really like the word asshole. Bastard is a good word, a strong insult, yet not vulgar. And I've got these criteria set down in my head for what makes someone a bastard and, let me tell you Kev, right now you are a bastard. I mean (he stands up) you've been doing all this crap to provoke me this weekend, it seems like you've been moving the stuff around on my desk, you ate the snack I was saving for myself to have when I study, you did something weird to my computer… And what the Hell was with that roller-skate on the stairs? A roller-skate, for God's sake? Now I've got this damned limp, but someone could've killed themself, and it could've been me.

KEVIN: (looking down) Well, maybe I am a bastard. (looks to Ryan) But at least I'm not a fucking ingrate who insults his friends. I'm just trying to put some fun into your dull existence Ryan. (gets up, begins to exit) I'll catch you later. (exits)

RYAN: (to Kevin) Yeah, fun, serious injury, whatever. (Looks at his notebook on the floor, then in the direction Kevin left.) Dammit.

SCENE IV
Kevin sits in the chair nearest the windows reading a magazine of some sort. Ryan walks in, vaguely startled to see Kevin.

RYAN: Hey Kev.

KEVIN: (without looking up) Hey. What's up.

RYAN: Not much. Still working on homework.

KEVIN: That sucks.

RYAN: Yeah. (He sits down, hunched over for a moment. The silence is palpable) So where'd you spend last night?

KEVIN: Well, Amy's roommate has this friend who was lonely last night, 'cause her roommate went home for the weekend, so I stayed with her.

RYAN: So you spent the night in some strange girl's room?

KEVIN: Well, she wasn't really that strange, but yeah, essentially. We played cards and talked mostly. I left around five thirty when she was still asleep. (He rubs his shoulder) But man, I never realized how hard dorm room floors were before…

There is another moment of thick silence.

RYAN: Listen Kev, about yesterday…

KEVIN: It's all right Ryan. I've come to terms with my bastardness. You can forget about it.

RYAN: No I can't. All right, look. (a pause) You're my best friend Kev. I mean, I don't know what I'd do without you here, but sometimes you really irritate the Hell out of me, and I don't think there's anything either one of us can do about that… If I ever get that pissed at you again, just let me get it out of my system and don't really take it to heart. Okay?

KEVIN: Hey, I know man. But don't think you're the perfect roommate either… You can be pretty annoying yourself.

RYAN: (Incredulous) Like how?

KEVIN: Well, I could start with the snoring…

RYAN: Shut up man, I do not snore.

KEVIN: The Hell you don't. It's either you or the guy across the hall, and I don't think even he could get that loud without a subwoofer hooked up to his nostrils.

RYAN: Bastard.

KEVIN: Ingrate.

(a pause)

KEVIN: It's in our closet by the way.

RYAN: What?

KEVIN: Our closet, the thing's in our closet.

RYAN: What thing?

KEVIN: The damn coffee table. It's in our closet.

RYAN: You're kidding me.

KEVIN: Nope, it's right in there, man. I just piled all of our dirty clothes on top so no one would notice. I thought you'd find it, but I guess not.

RYAN: In our closet all this time… You serious?

KEVIN: Yup.

The two settle into the first comfortable silence they've shared in a long time.

RYAN: (Gets up and walks to the windows) God this campus is beautiful. Look at that snow…(slowly, as if remembering something) Newly fallen snow. (a pause) You remember Kev, when I was asking you the other day why we don't have fun anymore? (Kevin nods) I guess what I meant, is how come I don't have fun anymore? I'm so wrapped up in all these classes and this homework, that I miss half the stuff that's going on around me. Like a coffee table in our closet.

KEVIN: (standing) You know something I've always wanted to do?

RYAN: What's that?

KEVIN: You remember when we were little, and we used to sled down the hill behind our house?

RYAN: Yeah, good times and all that…what about it?

KEVIN: I've always wanted to sled down this huge-ass hill behind the dorm.

RYAN: (turning to look at him) But it goes all the way down to the road…

KEVIN: Well, we could jump off of the sled at the last minute. We've done stuff like that before…

RYAN: Yeah…You know, Kev. That sounds like a Hell of a lot of fun.

KEVIN: I thought you'd like it.

RYAN: But where are we gonna get a sled?

KEVIN: I don't know about a sled, per se, but I do have this coffee table…

Curtain.